Truly understanding yourself and knowing your place in the world. You have unresolved issues with your father, and you have a drive to do something active, but I seriously doubt that cosplay is really the best outlet. What do you get out of it?

I just know when I got out of college I still didn't understand a lot of things. And I did silly things just because. Like letting a girl paint my nails, for example. Or going out to a club and getting wasted. For various reasons, but some of those were just because I didn't really think about what I was doing. It was petty shit.

I guess I just didn't really become a man in my own mind at least until recently because I finally feel like I know myself and I know the world, and it's not pretty but at least it's real. Before I was naive.

I think it's good you're not just doing whatever society expects of you. Just make sure you're doing what you enjoy. Cosplay just seems so fake to me. A lot of things seem very fake to me these days. Camping or hiking or playing sports, that I think would seem more real, more authentic. Or maybe dancing? I would just see cosplay as a distraction, like so many other things. But betting yourself by learning and by getting in touch with the real world, not this modern construct, and with other men, that's important.

I just feel like everything in this modern world is so fake. Women love it because they love the security. Men do not, not really. Don't you want to breathe some fresh air and feel the rain on your skin?

I'd suggest you take a look at the BBC's Human Planet series.

Anyway, I don't know about your dad, maybe he is a royal dick, but he's also human. My dad did a good job with us, but he wasn't perfect, and I wish I could talk to him today and tell him what I've learned, but that ain't happening except in my dreams every night.

I'm not in a great mood these days, seeing so much of this world as fake and pathetic. Apologies.