My first (and only) experience with Nair was truly horrible. I believe it was 10th grade (so 16 or so) and my friends and I who were horrible horrible nerds were finally starting to have some actual interaction with the opposite sex. A friend of mine who was a bit older and had actually touched a vagina before told me that he kept his junk trimmed and neat because, "When a chick goes down on you she doesn't want to be confronted by a hairy mess." Enlightened, I told my gamer friends this and suggested we throw down on a bottle of nair because it would get that shit smooth.

So the next time I am at the store with my parents I very stealthily disappear off, find the nair, purchase it and sneak off to the car. That night right before my shower I am reading the directions and see the warning "Not for use on genitals" and briefly reconsider my planned course of action. But I will not be swayed. Like a good American being told "there are no WMD's here." I am not deterred, I can not be stopped. I will have smooth balls.

I applied the cream to my junkal region, making sure to spread it evenly across the landscape. I waited. I remember feeling a cool tingling sensation after a few minutes, and when I gently tugged on a few pubes they pulled away with little resistance. I tried a bit more, this time a thick clump of the gooey mess, and it pulled right off. I was melting away the pubes! Oh the joy!

Knowing that those idiots at nair were wrong about using it on balls, I assumed that their advice about not applying water was also false, and hopped in the shower to get rid of the rest.

Almost immediately I began to endure one of the most painful skin irritations in human history. My flesh, once covered in hair yet happily pale was now red and inflamed, though successfully hair-free.

The next few days were pure misery, as every step jostled my still burning loins around in a constant reminder that, though it may appear to save some time, an electric razor will save you days of agony.