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[–]fallentree 252 points253 points ago

Just do your thing. Listen to headphones and get in and get out. Just be friendly if you're approached. Fuck the haters.

[–]ArmoredFan 211 points212 points ago

But don't actually fuck the haters.

But seriously this is rather odd. Most gym goers I know don't give a shit and the above suggestion is really all that is needed. Headphones on, pump some iron, leave.

If you are asked to leave and are paying a membership I'm sure there is a legal issue right there.

[–]kspacey 60 points61 points ago

Hm, fucking the haters may not be as bad an idea as you think. Assume dominance and all that

On a more serious note gyms often do harbor people who are a little.. Obviously ashamed of something. If i had a nickle for every time I heard a giant roider go from "man that's gay bro" to "nice form! No homo" to "did you see [insert third party's name]'s haircut? Totally gross!" well... I'd have a lot of nickles.

[–]NoSalt 17 points18 points ago

Good advice, however the OP should be cautious. If, like he said, it is a small industry town, the guys cracking gay jokes could be "dangerous" rednecks. I would definitely keep my eyes and ears open for more aggressive tactics on their part. I'm not trying to be a fear monger, I just think the OP should be aware. Just my two cents here.

[–]fallentree -1 points0 points ago

I'm not asking him to live in fear. Don't negotiate with terrorists.

[–]jcage8 15 points16 points ago

They'll get used to you. You'll get used to them.

[–]Gapwick 5 points6 points ago

You don't "get used to" homophobia.

[–]senator_mendoza 0 points1 point ago

this. i just wouldn't make a big deal out of it. go do what you came to do, and always carry yourself with dignity and self-respect. there's NOTHING they can do to take that away from you, AND you get a bonus mental workout along with your physical! if they wanna crack jokes then whatever. the novelty will wear off eventually - i don't care how stupid they are, it's just not gonna be entertaining to always be "hey guys... that guy looks GAY!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!".

[–]MOHNJADDEN 2 points3 points ago

i agree, blast some music that will pump you up, wear some clothing that shows off your arms or roll your sleeves over your shoulders, this will make you feel good when you see that you're progressing, who gives a fuck if its toolish its not about everyone else its about you, and even go at a different time than these assholes go, maybe go early in the morning or late at night.

[–]TheoreticalFunk 4 points5 points ago

I think he's more worried about some jacked homophobe rage raping him in the shower.

[–]tombrend 1 point2 points ago

This, and remember that if they actually ask you to leave, stay in the building and call a lawyer.

[–]theslowwonder 1 point2 points ago

Guys in small towns tend to be rough on new people whether gay or straight. Put your time in, don't be unfriendly, but don't be too friendly. After they get used to you being there, you may find they'll come around.

[–]BrianFlanagan 36 points37 points ago

Sucks. Unfortunately the small town mentality is stuck in the old way of fighting change every inch. Toss in your headphones, do your thing and try not to let it bother you. Usually the longer you're in that environment, the less they'll bother you.

Maybe try using this as motivation. A personal "fuck you" to the ignorant meatheads at your gym. Small town people dislike gays on principle, but they also tend to respect hard work and personal strength. Go there and give'r all you can. It can't hurt, might get you some respect around the gym. Or at least a good work out.

[–]Kingsmere[S] 24 points25 points ago

This was basically my reaction today, I pumped iron like a sonofabitch and I think it may be part of what does keep me going

[–]kwassa1 3 points4 points ago

Awesome. That's probably the best thing you can do- brush it off and use it as fuel for your workouts. Also, make sure you are eating a ton of food, you scrawny bastard.

[–]Italia5239 27 points28 points ago

Yikes. Sounds like a bad situation.

What made these guys initiate the issues anyway? What gave them knowledge of your sexual preference? (Not that it's any of their business anyway.)

[–]Kingsmere[S] 85 points86 points ago

Bad case of the gay face? I'm pretty easily spotted if you've got an ounce of gaydar. Word tends to travel pretty fast in a tiny town like this and I refuse to make a secret of my sexuality. I've been out since I was 13, I could never go back in. That's not to say I'm a flamer, I'm a working professional in the financial services sector (I came up here to fast track my career) and respect myself and others more than to flaunt an irrelevant part of my life in their face.

[–]Paycho 55 points56 points ago

I refuse to make a secret of my sexuality.

I know that coming out is a really personal decision and people do it in all sorts of different ways, but thanks for doing this, you're awesome. The fact that you continue to do it in spite of situations like this arising makes you more awesome.

First, talk to the director - it may be that he/she will be on your side. If that's the case, problem solved. If it's not the case, that'd be seriously disheartening, but I suppose plausible.

You mention that the smaller gym has "outdated" equipment. Could you elaborate on that? My old boss and I always had a special affinity for "street" gyms - since they attract the friendlier, non-bro-ey lifters, and hey, it's not like old iron weighs any less than new iron. If you can get over the dirtiness and there aren't any routine-breaking issues with the equipment, that may be your best option - but I hate feeling like I'm telling you to run off and let the bros have their shitty, oppressive environment to themselves.

[–]NomadicAgenda 5 points6 points ago

Seconding all of this. "Old gym with outdated equipment" often means "great gym for lifting weights". Not to suggest that you run from the bullies. However, if management won't support you, definitely take your business elsewhere.

As an aside, it's hard to imagine a gym without a significant gay contingent. Small towns are so weird!

[–]-stellarb 1 point2 points ago

I was going to say...I'll take an older gym with a powerack, benches that are stable, and some solid weights. I'd be good to go. I'd love to workout in a "dungeon" gym. Had one on one deployment. Best workouts I ever had. I don't need TVs and assholes where I work out. There's enough of that shit around all of us 24/7. Also, definitely talk to the director/owner and let them know what's up. Be cautious, but don't feel as though you should have to leave. Do your thing. Let them be douches.

[–]addmoreice 9 points10 points ago

gayface? wha?

Seriously, please. someone explain this. i don't get it.

[–]Kingsmere[S] 38 points39 points ago

Hahaha, gayface is the theory that gay men share distinct common facial features. Whether this is attributed to emphasis in their expressions or just structure I can't really say. Often it shows in features many would consider feminine - less defined jaw line, strong cheekbones, softer expression in the eyes. Horrible stereotyping but a big part of my gaydar at least Clay Aiken? Gay face. That dude from NSync that came out? Gay face. Anderson Cooper? A very handsome case of the gayface.

[–]phormality 7 points8 points ago

I could imagine a straight guy getting bitched out for explaining gay face as a means to tell if someone is gay.

That being said, one of my friends from high school is now openly gay and has "gay face" as you describe it. But I'm sure there are others who were similar who I just don't think about. Confirmation bias as LOLPENISPARTY says... lol @ username.

I actually know a guy with gay face who is married to a lady. However, he is a huge douche bag and looks like a lesbian. I dislike him as a human being. It is also entirely possible that he is a self-loathing gay man who married a girl just to cover it up because he thought it would help his career. If this was true, he came out, and stopped being a douche bag, I'd like him a whole lot better.

[–]addmoreice 4 points5 points ago

Uggg! now i have another thing where I can't be sure if I'm just missing it because i'm that oblivious or if I'm missing it because of a little bit of an oopsie with electricity I had as a kid.

I seriously just can't see it. i can see those features you described...but I see similar traits in others who are not gay, maybe it's to subtle for me to pick it up?

On a semi related but totally tangential note, the best compliment I ever got over my fitness change was the gay guy at the gym subtly hitting on me. (he was so flaming even I understood).

[–]Thjoth 13 points14 points ago

I have to admit, having a gay guy hit on me would be pretty flattering. If you've got the gay dudes after you, that means you should be attracting a veritable tsunami of women.

[–]addmoreice 3 points4 points ago

I'm also an asshole so the tsunami doesn't happen.

Though I did notice a few women started to eyeball me a bit. But then, I could just be noticing it more. again, I'm also pretty oblivious.

<shrug> fiancee likes the new look and that was the plan so <hops up and down like a three year old> yay!

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points ago

I think it's a case of confirmation bias. You know these people are gay so you see the gay-face. That's my theory, anyway. Can you give some examples of non-gay men that have gay-face?

[–]xtc46Power Lifting (Competitive), Hulk Smash (Recreational) 32 points33 points ago

Look in the mirror.

[–][deleted] 8 points9 points ago

Gasp! Das fag-hate right dere! REMOVE THIS FUCKER FROM MODDING ANY SUBREDDIT!

[–]s_mccWeightlifting, Running (Intermediate) 2 points3 points ago

Incredibly relevant username.

[–]s_mccWeightlifting, Running (Intermediate) 7 points8 points ago*

I think it's a case of confirmation bias.

20/20 Hindsight through Elton John's tinted sunglasses?

5 years after leaving a very liberal university where I was the token straight guy that hung out with the LGBT group for a few years, the gaydar is still pretty accurate. I can't prove it, but I think it's something with the affected pouty-face.

Edit: read link below.

For example, gay face includes tightness around the mouth from pursing the lips, a facial expression common to gay men and women—but not to heterosexual men.

DEM POUTZ.

[–]fresh38 2 points3 points ago

Gay Face

I never heard of gay face before, but now that you say it all I can think of is Scott Thompson from Kids in the Hall.

[–]maxd 1 point2 points ago

It's funny; I absolutely agree with the theory of "gay face", but none of the gay men I'm actually friends with (a half dozen or so) share the distinct facial features.

[–]pohatu 4 points5 points ago

Wow. I read your parent post in my regular reddit reading voice whatever that is -no voice. But I read this one in "gay" voice.

i think the voice changed in my head at the word gaydar. So to be fair i reread it in macho man voice and in Canadian accent voice.

Sorry about that

[–]Italia5239 2 points3 points ago

Well you're left with two options it sounds like to me.

You could do as everyone suggest, and use some ear buds to help you keep focus on your workout or you could bring the workout to your house.

My brother lost like 80Lbs with the P90X, a few bands, and a few dumbbells.

You can even torrent it all before SOPA destroys the internet.

[–][deleted] 18 points19 points ago

or you could bring the workout to your house.

FUCK THAT.

OP, just ignore them. Lift heavy-ass weights, eat right and get big.

[–]Italia5239 11 points12 points ago

I think ultimately he's afraid of them kicking his ass on a bad day just because of his sexuality tardsauce.

[–]wanderederer1 0 points1 point ago

Hmm, it could be they're just, erm, fucking with you (for want of a better word). I think getting the board involved is the best idea.

Good luck and don't let the haters hate.

[–]Gemini6Ice 0 points1 point ago

From your post I wasn't sure if you actually were gay, but I felt that was irrelevant to the fact that you are being harassed over it.

[–]Puppy34 26 points27 points ago

At my gym, the gays ARE those guys!

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points ago

The one time I had my ass pinched by a gay guy it was a big cowboy that looked straight as an arrow.

[–]SirRealle 2 points3 points ago

At least you got away. As a gay guy myself, I know "the code". This meant he was going to rape you.

[–]stfu_bobcostas 4 points5 points ago

Dude, WHAT??? Are there any more things like this we should know?

[–]SirRealle 7 points8 points ago

Yep. If a guy offers to buy you a drink, he's going to poison it first. You don't want to know what we do with unconscious bodies.

If a guy calls you "bro", he's also gay, and wants to sleep with you by making you feel as though you're so close, it's almost as if you're related.

Also, if a guy smiles at you or says "hi", he's probably straight, but he just nailed your girlfriend.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

I didn't exactly get away. Not like he was grabbing my balls or anything. My girlfriend grabbed me and kissed me passionately in front of me. Him and his fellow red neck bull riding looking lover looked amused.

It was at a 'gay' club in Austin. Can't remember name. Hella fun if you are open minded and straight. Women think you're gay and just hang out like no big deal. It was a blast.

[–]whitmell 9 points10 points ago

Are you in Soviet Russia, perchance?

[–]Puppy34 1 point2 points ago

No - Manhattan!

[–]whitmell 0 points1 point ago

Wooosh

[–]Gabe_b 122 points123 points ago

Shitty.
The fact they'd try and talk to the management is fucked up. I'd consider doing the same thing yourself. Either that or just stick to the Headphones, coffee and a program method and let them be dumbass crackers to their heart's content.

[–]the_the_ 93 points94 points ago

While ignoring them and consulting management is probably the best option, OP should definitely keep an eye out for himself none the less. OP is admittedly scrawny. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but something to be wary of. If those guys are in a violent state of mind for any reason and egged on by wolf-pack mentality, OP could be hurt.

I'm not blaming the victim, so to speak, but reminding the victim that some people are thugs. Indifference may or may not work, and it's definitely up to OP to be alert of his surroundings in the event that those intimidating thugs plan on turning violent. Just to reiterate, it shouldn't be his responsibility, but for the sake of his safety, it should be done.

[–]benhamine 2 points3 points ago

This is what I was thinking. I've lived in areas with that small-town homophobic culture and there ARE people out there that will pick a fight over that shit for no reason. It's not your fault and they don't deserve your concern but it's good to be smart about this stuff. If things start getting hostile, I don't know that this would be the best situation to make a stand.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]The_Lobbyist 58 points59 points ago

NO. FUCK THIS.

I was gay-bashed this year, bad enough to land me in the ICU for a few days with cerebral hemorrhaging, and I'm NOT. EVEN. GAY. The homophobes don't care about your mentality. They just care about their machismo.

[–]DevonWoodcomb 12 points13 points ago

I can imagine the situation already. If the OP decides to defend himself by talking back, I can imagine the: "Are you gonna let a faggot speak to you like that?"

Sickening but possible. I've seen it in my area, granted in pubs not gyms, but still.

[–][deleted] 12 points13 points ago

Are you gonna let a faggot speak to you like that?

I heard this as a kid/teenager. And things like it. You stick up for yourself, and the 'friends' of the person you're resisting ask them why they're letting you speak. It's incredibly cowardly... Pushing a person on another person for some sort of a boost. They get a rise out of it, but I'm not sure it lasts long.

The only thing that saved me as a kid was how badly I hurt people who came after me. That sounds cool to some people, but it was really dark. Like many others, I was never homosexual. I just acted differently (Mild autism, fairly deaf) and I wasn't homophobic. 'Normal' enough to not be called a retard, different enough that my behaviour needed to be exposed as strange and labelled appropriately.

People, man.

I'm not sure why I'd bother sharing the experience. Reading this thread just brought it all back I guess.

[–]crackinthewall 5 points6 points ago

It helps to be cautious. Some boys never grow up and who knows what they'll do if he sticks around. If something happens, its his word against theirs and I just hope the management has enough sense in them to see that the OP is the one getting harassed and not the other way around.

[–]Karnadas 5 points6 points ago

Jumping the gun? Probably not. You can't just throw caution to the wind when dealing with people who are being mean for no good reason. Even if the chances of them being physically violent were 1%, they still seem to be giving the OP reason to be cautious.

[–]AdmiralSkippy 0 points1 point ago

To go off this comment:

If your gym offers some kind of self defence program/martial arts, it might not be a bad idea to sign up for that.

[–]ltcolonelnemo 12 points13 points ago

That's probably not going to help against multiple opponents that are all larger than him.

[–]Forbiddian 13 points14 points ago

[–]seesharpie 6 points7 points ago

The reason it was made into a film: it is an exceptional story. For every karate kid, there are 999 kids who get their asses handed to them.

[–]Forbiddian 7 points8 points ago

I was just making a joke, man, it's not based on a true story.

[–]Laboratory 5 points6 points ago

Sure it is. That's the movie based on the documentary about Will Smith's son.

[–]zerolimit 4 points5 points ago

[–]serrghi 0 points1 point ago

To be fair, its loosely based.

[–]Konstiin 0 points1 point ago

especially in the isolation of northern canada.

[–]NoontideDemonKettlebells, Barefoot Running 0 points1 point ago

Agreed, they have no right to threaten him but it is still wise for him to be wary. Also note that this should be the case even if he were not scrawny. Nobody is stronger than a knife and very few people have the skill to defeat a pack (3+) of attackers. Any fight poses real risk to all involved.

[–]null-byte 17 points18 points ago

Wait, so not everybody is polite in Canada?

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 30 points31 points ago

I wouldn't try to read into the "why" of what's behind the animosity - we're a complex being, and everyone could have their own reasons (actual disgust, fear, latent tendencies, in the closet, simple bullying, etc) and it's all in a miasma of peer pressure.

The best thing to do is to ignore low-level stuff, just be yourself in a social environment, don't "invent" offense, and if you can read people, try to play it into a joke (again, careful - this is dangerous if you offend the wrong people - more on that later). If you think you can crack the ice with it, if you catch a slightly homophobic comment, you could always go with something like "Wait - I was told naked guys shower together here. Am I at the wrong bar?" etc.

SAFETY It turns my stomach to have to write this, but be careful. Hate crimes are real, as you're obviously aware. While you shouldn't live in fear, there is nothing wrong with being prepared. Know how to speed dial 911 on your cell phone, and make sure the e911 thing is turned on (sends your GPS to the 911 operator).

Get a 4 D-cell Maglite flashlight, put batteries in it, and keep it in your car. First of all, you should always have a flashlight in your car. Secondly, it makes a vicious club that you can't be arrested for owning.

Always be aware of your surroundings.

Best defense - make friends. Build friendships. Get to know coworkers, or folks at the gym, or neighbors, or whatever. Hang out - go to the bar with them, watch or play sports on the weekends, whatever.

  • It's emotionally healing. You won't feel as alone.
  • People with friends aren't as "weird" as people without friends.
  • As time goes on, your friends will stand up for you. Rumors about "the fairy" will get stopped pretty quickly (rumors are like wildfires, and having a social network is like laying firebreaks)
  • You'll have folks to rely on if you do get in trouble.

Hate to sound so coldly pragmatic about having friends, but if you're an introvert it might take that extra push of enlightened self-interest to get to you break out of your shell.

Sorry that people suck - try not to let the bastards wear you down. And, of course, my axe.

[–]ty010 3 points4 points ago

Gimli's advice about safety and building friendships is the most important. Try to be habitually vigilant about your surroundings, make sure your shit is locked up and park in a visible area to avoid vandalism. Get a workout buddy if possible.

I would also check out the other gym. If it has free weights and a friendlier atmosphere it's worth it. (for all you know it could be a gay gym - how awesome would that be?)

And, of course, do your own programming homework.

[–]chugotit 39 points40 points ago

You said it's a nonprofit. Request time from the executive director or manager to come to their next board meeting. Ask for 5 minutes to present your issue and to get a confirmation that the gym is open to all, regardless of gender, race, religion or sexual orientation. If they affirm it is open to all, then ask how they can help ensure you are able to use the gym without having to put up with intimidation or discrimination. In other words, get the boards' ear and help make them own solving the problem.

[–]gburron 34 points35 points ago

It's Canada, the business have to recognize the right of GLB people to use their facilities or face a human rights complaint that they will inevitably loose.

[–]Crucks 7 points8 points ago

these guys never really approached him, they were just talking shit. dont get me wrong, these guys suck, but they've been keeping to themselves mostly.

[–]RedYote 2 points3 points ago

Talking shit to each other is one thing.

Talking to the management is quite another.

[–]AlexTheGreat 0 points1 point ago

They can talk to the management all they want so long as the management doesn't ban him or whatever I don't think he has a legal complaint against the business.

[–]FiveSix 12 points13 points ago

Let me first say I imagine this sucks for you. And I am not about to defend these d-bags.

Is it possible they are not talking about you? I worked with some really rough blue collar guys and everything was "gay" this, "faggy" that, you "homo" and what not. That was on the West Coast and I imagine up North would be even more intense.

As a former fat dude, at my fattest I thought anytime someone said "Fat ass," "chubby" or similar I assumed they were talking about me.

Have you tried /r/lgbt for advice?

[–]dezhang 8 points9 points ago

Well, you could go at a different time. Unless they're there every single hour of the day. Although it's not solving the entire problem, it's fixes your need to get a workout.

But I totally agree with speaking to the management. If the management's homophobic, I say screw them, move to another gym or get your own power rack.

[–]phraktureHandbalancing, Martial Arts (Recreational) 43 points44 points ago

Um, you'll have to read the situation a bit, but I'd say the standard bully advice applies - stand up to them.

In case you haven't been around "manly men" before, chiding each other is a sign of... camaraderie in a way. I don't want to say "make fun of them", but in a way... I do. If someone says "Oh, I'm not showering with the homo lookin", then I'd smirk and say "Sorry, you're not my type. Too short" or some shit like that.

Now don't just run with my advice. I don't know these guys, and who knows - they could take it the wrong way and punch you... but it's likely that won't happen. Guys that have never been around gay guys react funny. There's a lot of gay innuendo that happens among men. Shit, over in FCJ people post pictures of their asses and try to get all the other dudes to look at them.

I'm rambling at this point... going in circles. I just wanted to say: they're probably just "scared" in a way and standing up to them, slowly at first, might be better for all parties

[–]BGraceful 44 points45 points ago

To add to this point, gyms are a pretty gay place when you think about it, a bunch of sweaty men trying to become bigger and stronger, checking out other guys muscles, and showering together.

We live in a pretty homophobic culture. When you put heterosexual guys in a somewhat gay place, it makes sense why they would need to assault others' sexuality in order to draw attention away from their own.

[–]the_the_ 16 points17 points ago

We live in a pretty homophobic culture.

Ain't that the truth. Sometimes my nethers perk up after a particularly taxing work set in the gym. It's not raging or anything, but not at normal level. I'm afraid that others might take it the wrong way. There's definitely a homophobia that is embedded in my subconscious. I mean, I'm as accepting as it comes (at least at a conscious thought level because I'm all for gay rights), but deep down, I still feel uncomfy about the thought of being turned on by dudes. It's quite the testament to the pervasive nature of culture and the implicits of society.

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 17 points18 points ago

Sometimes my nethers perk up after a particularly taxing work set in the gym. It's not raging or anything, but not at normal level.

"Hey, that guy's hard from looking at me."
"Oh, please - like I'd get turned on looking at you."
"... uh, well why not? I'm a good looking guy..."

[–]Wollff 6 points7 points ago

"... but still a dwarf."

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 6 points7 points ago

okay. 

[–]megagreg 2 points3 points ago

I love this one. Reminds me of an exchange in high school:

Asshat: If a guy ever hit on me, I'd punch him in the face.

Me: Buddy, you would need about $40k in plastic surgery for there to be the remotest possibility of that happening.

Asshat: ...

[–]lasagnaman 7 points8 points ago

I still feel uncomfy about the thought of being turned on by dudes.

Erections are not the same thing as being turned on.

[–]the_the_ 0 points1 point ago

A good point, but I was mainly speaking of how others interpreted it. Like gimli above alluded to, the way it's interpreted is what I'm afraid of. I couldn't care less about actually being gay, which for full disclaimer I am not, but I am afraid of the rejection and ridicule that comes with being marked as gay.

I mean, from another gym dude's perspective, they see a kid who walks in a circle during his rest period and is sporting a semi when there are only guys around. It's a little suspicious. Just a little.

[–]alividlife 2 points3 points ago

Well said! Perhaps making more gay friends would change your perception on that matter?.. I mean you are not in the wrong or anything like that, but you haven't been around many gay men perhaps?...

Manly men are definitely more vitriol and it's almost always a sign of insecurity in my opinion. The only bad situation is having a gay friend spill their guts with words of love when you have no interest, and that's rare and really a whole different matter. Gay dudes don't often rape their friends and I think are generally pretty understanding of heterosexuality (at least friends that I have had in the past).

I really dislike that "manly man" camaraderie, but phrakture is absolutely right. If you show weakness, they got you man, and they will dig that knife into you deep. It's just like animals pissing out their territory but in a psychological setting. With homophobic jokes and most often racial/class base insults.
Flip the dialogue like he mentions, but take great care as I would not want to see a hate crime over advice given on an anonymous forum.

You remove any power someone has in a joke with either self-deprecation or using their ammunition against them.

[–]Gimli_The_Dwarf 9 points10 points ago

Gay dudes don't often rape their friends

ಠ_ಠ

"Often"? Seriously?

[–]KomradeKettlebellKettlebells, Powerlifting (Competitive) 2 points3 points ago

I still feel uncomfy about the thought of being turned on by dudes.

If the gays want you, you definitely know you're one hot piece of ass...ladies don't have a chance.

[–]phraktureHandbalancing, Martial Arts (Recreational) 1 point2 points ago

Sometimes my nethers perk up after a particularly taxing work set in the gym

Freaking GHRs man. I had to warn my wife... "sorry honey, but this is going to give me a boner"

[–]phormality 12 points13 points ago

We had Pumping Iron on at work last week and it sounded like gay porn in the background. There was a scene where Arnold was in the shower, soaping up and showing his bicep to another guy while rubbing it. Gyms are indeed a pretty gay place.

[–]agent-99 7 points8 points ago

i DJ at a gay bar every week. i can tell you the most buff gym-going guys out there ARE ALL GAY. it is the gayest look one can have. no wonder the burly dicks are calling others "gay"... pot calling the kettle black. if you're homophobic, STAY OUT OF THE GYM, it's where all the homos go. duh!

[–]jaggederest 5 points6 points ago

'gay church'.

[–]xtc46Power Lifting (Competitive), Hulk Smash (Recreational) 3 points4 points ago

I second this.

[–]bythog 2 points3 points ago

Mostly because you like looking at UTO's ass.

[–]fresh38 3 points4 points ago

I agree with this man. By turning it into a joke like he suggests, you become less threatening to them. The other thing I could see working is just going up to them and say something along the lines of, "I'm just here to work out and get in shape, if you have a problem with me or something I'm doing in here, be a man and confront me about it and we can come to a solution." You need to say it with confidence for it to work and mean it, but when you are direct with someone like that, they tend to take you seriously and will hopefully respect the fact that you had the balls to confront them about it. But just like the person above mentioned, I don't know these guys either, I know that these scenarios would play out well at my gym, but we don't have too many roid ragers.

[–]Droppit 1 point2 points ago

Having grown up in these towns, and being one of these guys, I can tell you this is totally the case. Tell them not to get their panties in a bunch.

[–]RedSquareeMartial Arts (Recreational) 0 points1 point ago

I agree with this.

[–]Sprinter_Eight_Six 10 points11 points ago

At least one of these guys is projecting his closet rage on you, Kingsmere.

Sucks that you have to go through this, but passivity will probably be taken as permission to keep escalating. Past the good advice that's already been offered, I'd suggest you tell them in a firm but non-confrontational way that you've got a gym card just like theirs, you're keeping to yourself while you exercise and stay healthy, and it wouldn't be any skin off their noses to do the same.

Edit: Noses.

[–]gburron 9 points10 points ago

One gay man to another, what did you expect? Small town northern Canada was inevitably going to be a bit of a challenge to work your way around. It sounds like you're relatively new to town so it may just take a while for the town to get used to you at which point they'll simply ignore you until that happens you may have to tough out the annoying for a bit.

Ignore them as best you can and just focus on your goals; they're irrelevant in the long run anyway.

[–]Kingsmere[S] 4 points5 points ago

Just this actually. Maybe I've been lucky so far, but in the 6 months I've been here, this is my first genuine encounter with it up here. Again, tiny dude that stays to himself, I don't generally put myself in situations that I would consider risky. I've been out for long enough to see danger signs

[–]gburron 5 points6 points ago

Fair enough. Well really you can go two routes, try to fit in or just say 'fuck it'. I generally err to the fuck it side but I'm also an unintentional stealth gay right up until I bitch slap someone for using 'that's so gay' or something.

Ignore the losers, cultivate sense of superiority, obtain currency, leave shit hole town knowing that the losers are still there.

[–]Kingsmere[S] 5 points6 points ago

"Fuck it" is quite literally the philosophy of my life, but moreso as a reminder for the serenity prayer. I'm not religious but there's a lot to take away from those words. I'm also glad you see the reasons I'm up here, 18 months left!

As much as I try to stay to the side of stealth gay, my career aspirations will likely require me to deal with this sort of adversity anyway and I think this would be a good opportunity to learn to deal with it productively. I have been very lucky and haven't dealt with such blatant "heteronegativity" since I was in junior high. There's also the activist in me that truly believes an ignorant mind is more a result of lack of exposure and understanding. If I bitch out and just go to another gym without dealing with it head on than who will?

[–]myrosinase 4 points5 points ago

If I bitch out and just go to another gym without dealing with it head on then who will?

As honorable as that is, educating bigots is not your responsibility. If you want to use your energy in that way, that's fantastic, but you shouldn't feel an ounce of guilt for not doing it. In the end, their prejudice is not your responsibility. The only thing you (unfairly) have to worry about is your own safety.

[–]KomradeKettlebellKettlebells, Powerlifting (Competitive) 0 points1 point ago

You just reminded me of this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BQoLxsVV6vs

[–]WhisperWeightlifting, Martial Arts (Advanced) 7 points8 points ago

Sounds like you both have issues.

These guys sound like they're bigots who have a problem with homosexuals, or anyone too different from them.

You sound you have issues with people being masculine:

A lot of testosterone and a small town mentality is a little off putting...

and don't feel like you have an obligation to have/show courage:

scary and make mean gay jokes. I don't like this because it's mean and I don't like being uncomfortable nor making others uncomfortable.

Now, I don't know if you're gay or not, and it doesn't matter. What is being expected of you isn't to be straight, it's to show courage.

You don't seem very comfortable with the idea of masculinity, and almost seem to think of testosterone as some sort of dangerous poison that makes people crazy. Seeing that kind of misandry from a man is kind of sad.

But what may be going on is that you are being hazed... given an opportunity to show courage and perseverance and earn their respect. What I think would be best is not to let this beat you. Use it to make you stronger. Go in and work like hell just to spite them. Show them they can't break you, and they will gradually start to think of you as a stand-up kind of guy, and the attitudes will do a complete 180.

I know these kind of guys. I am one of these kind of guys. Show some guts, and they'll respect you and leave you alone. You might learn something, and teach them something as well.

[–]MowLesta 0 points1 point ago

Fuck yea.

[–]GOJI_RA 0 points1 point ago

This is insightful advice right here.

OP, not only are you in the out-group in regard to being new to the town, you are in the out-group in regard to your sexuality (homosexual vs. heterosexual) as well as the gym community itself (noob vs. regular).

I think the nature of the gym as a haven for straight "masculine" dudes only makes this in-group vs out-group distinction even stronger. People are very clannish, especially in small tight-knit groups. While it's unfortunate and, for you, uncomfortable, I think you should really consider Whisper's advice here.

The key is not to run from their asshattery, but to absorb it and keep carrying yourself proudly or confront it when necessary. In my opinion, running away or going to the owners of the gym and complaining will only solidify the imaginary boundaries that these douchebags have created.

There is a phenomenon in social psychology in which out-group members tend to react to the treatment of in-group members in a way that confirms the stereotype expectations of the in-group. Be aware of this! Complaining to the management or having an emotional fit (or any other "non-masculine" reactions to their treatment) will only confirm what they already believe to be true about you.

Do as Whisper said and show them that you are worthy of respect. Keep hitting the gym hard, be respectful, and embrace your own masculinity. Show them that you are a man that is worthy of respect, regardless of your sexual preference (which is, as they will hopefully learn, irrelevant when judging someone's character).

TL;DR don't react to the treatment of the gym regulars in a way that will only confirm their expectations, keep working hard, and show them that you're worthy of respect

[–]TheCosmicOsmo 6 points7 points ago

I'm a member of a pretty large gym. I'm by no means a homophobe, and have several gay friends, but I do admit that when I'm there on a busy afternoon and there's three flamers making obvious extended eye contact with me it gets a little obnoxious/uncomfortable. As long as you're not doing this, then I see no reason why the meathead-assholes at your gym should care one way or the other about you - so I'm going to follow what most of the others have advised and say get some headphones and a drink bottle and focus on your workout. If the environment is still uncomfortable after a few visits then consult the management.

If things still don't improve - try the other gym. Dated equipment should not be a deterrent - in fact I tend to favor older gyms since their equipment is usually bomber build quality and includes plenty of bodybuilding staples (benches, freeweights and the like) rather than 5 different machines just to work your inner thighs and lower back...

Best of luck whatever happens - I suffer from a lot of mental health issues and the gym is literally my savior some days, so if I were in your shoes I would be very bummed.

[–]Sprinter_Eight_Six 6 points7 points ago

I'm by no means a homophobe

there's three flamers making obvious extended eye contact with me

ಠ_ಠ

I believe you when you say you're not a homophobe. But you really do speak their language well.

[–]jstaahlFlexibility, Modeling (Club) 1 point2 points ago

So hang on, I thought gays were used to the atmosphere of a hetero-male dominated environment such as the locker rooms or the sports pub, where guys should profanity and gay slur around like it was beer or weights?

My point is, while it shouldn't ideally be like that, it is like that I'm sure you've met this kind of attitude before? How did you manage it then?

Where I'm from they say about 1/10 is gay, meaning that whenever I'm taking a shower at the gym there is about 2.25 gay men seeing my penis, big whoopdidoo.

I just imagine that's the unspoken balance in the locker rooms that the gays ignore the occasional gay comment tossed around by the bros towards each other and anyone in general, and the heteros don't freak out because there is a gay man in our midst?

Now, rereading up on it, are they directing it directly towards you? Have them warned by the management, tell them in no short terms to deal with it and shut up. If they're just bros being bros going "ah dude, that shit on UFC last night was just so gay!" then ignore it, amirite?

[–]m_Pony 5 points6 points ago

Buddy, gays aren't "used to" anything; there's millions of us all over the place. We're not an organized group with a membership card, and we are not The Borg. There's no standard upbringing and background for gays. So, no, we're not all used to any particular atmosphere at all.

He overheard one of these schmucks politicking to have him thrown out of the gym. That's some serious shit, whether you're gay or not. Nobody should have to put up with that kind of sniping, no matter what the reason.

[–]jstaahlFlexibility, Modeling (Club) 1 point2 points ago

Hey buddy. I was just musing on a tangent here it seems, and I agree that if he's being sniped he should contact management.

Just saying that unfortunately, if a bunch of guys make gay remarks about random shit, not focused towards anyone in particular, that's just guys being guys and its so ingrained in our culture that you should just let it slide.

[–]m_Pony 2 points3 points ago

I agree. Sometimes it's just guys being guys. Sometimes it's guys being assholes. On very rare occasion it's guys being dangerous; most people don't have to worry about that last one, but it does happen.

[–]zau64 3 points4 points ago

Just act like it isn't a big deal. They probably don't feel comfortable because you are something "new" to them. They probably have an entirely wrong idea about gays. Just mind your own business and they will eventually get used to your presence. If they decide to directly make remarks don't take it to heart and maybe even laugh at one of their jokes if it happens to be a bit funny.
If you let it get to you and get on the defensive, then you invite them to be on the offensive.

[–]bdsisme 2 points3 points ago

Sleep with their girlfriends (even if you're gay); that'll shut 'em up.

[–]MFingPterodactyl 2 points3 points ago

My heart goes out to you. That really, really sucks. I'd second the headphones-and-ignore-them suggestion, but I have a few more additional suggestions.

Just take a look at the other smaller gym. It might be better, it might be worse, but it's really good to know your options. There's no shame in wanting to work out somewhere that isn't full of douchebags.

Maybe talk to the management? This could go a lot of ways. I'll share my anecdote:

I'm a woman that works out in a grungy warehouse powerlifting gym in a low-income area of town. 90% of the people there are really nice to me, but there's this one group of guys that was really hostile. One of them, literally the largest man I have ever met, used to shout personal questions at me about my relationship status across the room, tell me to deadlift naked, and call me "Future Wife". When that stopped getting a response, he'd get right up close next to me while I was deadlifting, so I'd have to either drop the loaded bar on the ground from the top of the lift, or push my butt into his crotch in order to put it down. For a while, I avoided going when my coach wasn't there. But then when we were at a competition, all the women got to talking about this guy. It came out that he was like that to all the women there, none of us liked it, and he made us all really uncomfortable. When he went a little too far, my coach yelled at him and reported him to management. The owner kicked him out of the gym and said he could only come back if he personally apologized to both me and the other woman he was being an asshole to. Well, he never did. And now he just glares at us from across the room and the owner of the gym keeps asking us if he apologized and keeps yelling at him for not apologizing and we don't want to make it a big deal because we're afraid he's just going to be worse.

So on one side, at least now we have the owner on our side, and he isn't being a gigantic tool all the time. On the other side, the gym is tense.

So, long, long, long story short: Try the headphones and scope out the other gym just in case. If that doesn't work out for you, it might be a good idea to go to management, or even to talk to some other people that work out there. Chances are, you're not the only one they're being assholes to. It'll be way better if you have people on your side. Worst that happens, nothing gets better, and you go to the other gym.

[–]US_Ranger 3 points4 points ago

Someone has to ask:

Have you made them uncomfortable? I don't mean uncomfortable because you're gay but uncomfortable because you're semi-flirty with them? There are a few gay guys at the gym where I work out and one has a tendency to sit around in the locker room and then "magically" start to get naked when I'm in there getting my stuff out of the locker. He'll then ask me random questions that have nothing to do with anything.

I'm assuming you're not doing this but I figure I'd ask to help clear it up. Even things that might seem innocent to you might come off as creepy to people who aren't used to being flirted with by other men. Luckily I worked in a night club so I'm used to gay attention (completely straight myself) but I notice some people don't like it very much.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points ago

Get big fast so you can whomp on them boys. /jk I don't know man. That sucks. If you don't feel like you're in danger, then just keep going. Maybe they'll eventually see that you're just a dude, not an alien and stop being so ignorant. Definitely watch out, but try and let it roll off your back. Try not to let it get in the way of your goals!

[–]MagicTarPitRide 2 points3 points ago

Sucks man, the strongest and scariest looking dudes at my gym are super-duper gay. Making a homophobic remark would be a pretty scary thing to try... then again I live in LA.
If you've got a great job and hate the dudes in your gym why not just buy a power rack for your house. That's really all you need to get huge.

[–]crimsonslide 1 point2 points ago

Someone else mentioned to some over weight lifters that going in the morning before 8AM avoids the idiot crowd as everyone there at that time of the morning is there to get their work out done and get out of there.

[–]ISmokeCigars 2 points3 points ago

What do you mean by "over weight lifters?" Like people who are overweight and lift?

[–]crimsonslide 1 point2 points ago

Yes.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago*

I think it would be a good opportunity for an overweight guy to grow a thicker skin against bullshit by just going there and not giving a fuck.

[–]ShamefulCrane 2 points3 points ago

Ignore it. Headphones and read a magazine between sets.

[–]ReleaseTheLardBeast -1 points0 points ago

a manly magazine =P

[–]newmansg 0 points1 point ago

They're fucking assholes, and someone should stand up to them. But please place your well-being first and consider another gym if these idiots seem like they are capable of violence. Besides, all you really need is a bench, barbell and weights to fulfill all your needs.

[–]SriLanka 2 points3 points ago

Canada?!?!?

[–]m_Pony 2 points3 points ago

yeah it's that big country up north where the beer is.

[–]zak_on_reddit 1 point2 points ago

and flying hockey pucks.

[–]mattseanbachman 2 points3 points ago

I remember a situation similar to yours years back when I first started lifting. I felt as if I didn't fit in, that people were looking at and/or talking about me.

First, make sure these things aren't the creation of your own mind; I work a blue-collar job wherein gay jokes are cracked all the time...I don't like it, but I'm just one man and I can't change the fact that many people choose to be ignorant.

That said, if they're making fun of you--people are going to downvote me for this probably--I'd call them out on it. There's a number of different ways you can go about this, but the point is is that people who let themselves get walked on, get walked on.

This applies even if they've each got fifty pounds on you; I wouldn't necessarily say you need to fight these guys in the process, but it sounds like they might need an ass kicking from someone. The worst thing that can happen to you is you got beat up by people who are bigger than you; the worst thing that can happen to them is probably far worse in their eyes...they all got beat up by a much smaller homosexual. :D

All in all though, I would ignore it (if you can). If you can't, confront them openly about it, but be prepared to fight.

[–]swimbekoz 2 points3 points ago

Serious question time and forgive me if I offend you...

Do you have a creeper stare and/or lurk around the showers?

[–]Kingsmere[S] 1 point2 points ago

Not at all offended, given the sitch it's a legitimate question.

I don't use the showers at the gym. I don't feel comfortable doing so. Like anybody Ido glance at what other people around me are doing because I have no clue what I'm at and check my own form against theirs and to see if there's something else I can I corporate into my own routine.

[–]AgentJohnson 2 points3 points ago

Your tldr is just as long as your main. New gay stereotype?

[–]Laytnor 2 points3 points ago

If they'd only make gay jokes, I wouldn't see any problem here, only white knights would, however, If they can't shut their mouths about you personally, you should talk to management, thats not only disrespectful, but it also shows what kind of scumbags they are.

[–]FrankehWeightlifting (Beginner) 2 points3 points ago

How do they know you're gay?

[–]lporter 4 points5 points ago

First day waving a giant rainbow flag, yelling "I'm here, I'm queer, I'm fabulous, get used to it." and glitter instead of chalk.

[–]WTFRAWL 2 points3 points ago

Be the nicest person ever to them, make them feel like assholes and continue doing what you do.

[–][deleted] ago

[deleted]

[–]Kingsmere[S] 1 point2 points ago

I would too! That's creepy. I go into the change rooms, face the wall and change and get out. Again, defense mechanisms.

[–]yate 2 points3 points ago

how do they know you're gay?

[–]GeoM56 2 points3 points ago

How do they know you are gay?

[–]ColonelFlashman 1 point2 points ago

Are you gay?

[–]dead_reckoner 0 points1 point ago

I think this is the most important question here.

How did a bunch of strangers discern his sexual orientation just by the way he works out?

[–]ColonelFlashman 4 points5 points ago

[–]jimibulgin 1 point2 points ago

Next time he's at the bottom of a heavy squat, grab his sack, and whisper in his ear, "don't...fuck...with...meeeeeee...."

[–]Moshiach -2 points-1 points ago

They want to fuck.

[–]hans1193 0 points1 point ago

Probably nothing to worry about, meatheads are gonna be meatheads. I really really doubt that you need to be concerned for your safety. Put on some headphones and do your thing.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points ago

I don't have much to offer that Gabe and phrakture haven't already said, but don't give up gymming! As a fellow small dude (130 lbs @ 5'7"), my plan is to just keep lifting until I'm stronger than most of the other gym bros- the size will follow.

[–]Agent9262 1 point2 points ago

Try and make friends with some people there. I hope it gets better for you!

[–]brahtat 1 point2 points ago

"let your haters become your motivators" fuck those guys dude.

[–]pohatu 1 point2 points ago

This is probably bad advice, depending on the situation, but you might try befriending them.

Optionally, once you get to know them, find the weakest of the bunch, the one the others rip on the most, and join in the dogpile.

Or just bro it up in other ways, talking about hockey it whatever.

[–]Unicornmayo 1 point2 points ago

Congrats on moving to Fort Mac (sorry for making an assumption, let me know if it's incorrect). Unfortunately, there's not much to do except pop in headphones and ignore them, talk to management, or provide some cutting remarks. Each has its own problems.

I'm in favor of the ignore them personally.

Or, actually here's an idea. Can you adjust your work out schedule?

[–]Kasseev 1 point2 points ago

I really don't know how bad it is there but please heed your instincts if you feel in danger or afraid. Even if it is a totally irrational fear - trust it and get out. Get out of there or get a spotter/buddy to go with you if you feel uncomfortable.

[–]captainhamster 0 points1 point ago

I think perhaps your awesomeness has made them uncomfortable with themselves and they are now forced to face the reality that they´re, for lack of a better term, a bunch of tossers.

[–]sgtredred 1 point2 points ago

Humans are animals. You are the new male on their established small-minded "turf". Yes, be cautious. You might not need a rape whistle, but be aware and alert. Walk out to your car with other people, diffuse tension with humor, that kind of thing.

You could try to find a way to break down their wolf pack walls by asking for help: ask what kind of routine they're doing to get so bulky, or how a "scrawny guy like you" can put on bulk. People like to be heros, especially when asked. Otherwise, well, I exercise at home now instead of a gym, but you can always let the management know that they're losing money, a customer, and any positive referrals.

[–]Mercurio55 1 point2 points ago

Cross post this to the LGBT forum, you may find some additonal allies..

[–]_shift 0 points1 point ago

Why do I feel like every problem I read about on the internet can be solved by boldly telling the offending party to fuck off? Seriously, it's my answer for everything.

[–]Neoncow 0 points1 point ago

Because violence.

[–]eb11b 0 points1 point ago

Look on the bright side. They will never ask you to give them a spot!

Screw these guys. Just do your workout and get out. Every gym has these assholes.

[–]frostek 1 point2 points ago

I've always thought that guys who go on and on about gay people are just curiously... defensive to my mind.

I mean why would it matter to anyone? As far as I'm concerned gayness and straightness is utterly inconsequential 99% of the time

Just saying!

[–]BruteEpaise -1 points0 points ago

Canada doesn't have freedom speech, gay comments could have legal consequences for those peoples.

Check this out

I'd also bet that those peoples are insecure about their own sexuality.

[–]vastad 0 points1 point ago

Will this work?: If management agree to the suggestion you are asked to leave, ask that all your accusers be present in a meeting with said management. Bring in a representative from your equivalent of the ACLU, not an equivalent LGBT org. Then tell management you are happy to leave if all of you, including yourself, submit to an interview with a psychologist who specialises in sexuality. Don't call it a "gay test" (because there is no such thing really), just hint at it. Watch the room get very very silent. He who smelt it, dealt it and all that...

[–]Missionary 1 point2 points ago

That's not testosterone, it's bigotry. If it gets to a point where they try to bully you, let them know you dont want any trouble, but you will get the authorities and local news involved if you have to. Dont quit, that's what they want. Keep going and become a regular. Fuck thosr douche bags.

Edit: whatever happens dont get into a fight. Try to get to safety if it comes to that.

[–]dylanfarnum 0 points1 point ago

http://youtu.be/wXw6znXPfy4

How do you make it to adulthood as a gay man and not know how to deal with bullies at this point? I would have thought you would have had plenty of practice by now.

Talk to the management and get the harassment documented.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points ago

And in today's new, insecure gym rats are homophobic.

[–]kookyyoshiro 0 points1 point ago

Fuck 'em. Work on getting jacked as hell and don't worry about it. I work out at a gym where the majority of members are gay. I've seen some huge men who I doubt anyone would crack jokes about.

[–]Rejexted 1 point2 points ago

Well, are you actually gay or are they assuming that about you because of your physique? Do they know of you (hence the reason why they would know you're gay)?

[–]Kingsmere[S] 2 points3 points ago

When I moved to town, it took a week for me to start running into people and when introduced be met with "Oh, your the new guy at the bank!"

I'm in a town of maybe 8K, and they're all gossip more than a bunch of old hens

[–]Rejexted 0 points1 point ago

Well I guess my question was if they're actually being homophobic or if they're calling you gay because of your physique. Either way it's unacceptable, but it could mean two different things.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point ago

If they keep it up talk to the police. The RCMP police the northern communities so you won't get a local boy who won't bust his buddies.

[–]Senkei 1 point2 points ago

Wear headphones and all of these useless problems go away...

[–]greenbeancasserole -1 points0 points ago

What sort of attire are you wearing to the gym? If you are wearing leotards with nylons or something like that, try going in a pair of shorts and a t-shirt. Otherwise, ignore the haters and do your thing.

[–]Kingsmere[S] 1 point2 points ago

The same thing every time. A black tee shirt and a pair of black track pants. Generic for a reason? Yes.

[–]bannana 0 points1 point ago

Did you also post this in /r/lgbt? You didn't mention your sexual orientation so that might not be the right place but regardless they will have a ton of good advice for dealing with these situations.

[–]FatStig 1 point2 points ago

I suspect none even know you are gay.

[–]sempire 0 points1 point ago

You need to murder one meathead to prove a point and everyone else will back off.

[–]xanthine_junkie 1 point2 points ago

have you tried approaching them (singly if you are uncomfortable) and asking them for a bit of advice?

'hey, should my posture be ...'

'what do you think of this supplement..'

etc..

tell them your goals, let slip you are aware of your slight frame and why you are working on improving your physique. at one time, they were likely skinny kids too.

never hurts to compliment them in some small way, innocoulously -- and let them know you are just another guy at the gym.

insecurity on their part makes them band and boast and belittle, insecurity on your part is stopping you from showing them who you are and that you are valued and normal and human.

[–]brenwolf 1 point2 points ago

Calling it now: This is a troll thread. All the past threads where the management asks people to leave the gym winds up being troll threads. Also this is OP's first post. Let's see how this thread lays out...

[–]mrtim 0 points1 point ago*

They sound like 12 year olds from XBOX live. They don't sound like they're worth worrying about.

[–]bonestamp 0 points1 point ago

I can imagine it's a pretty intimidating situation. Once people get to know someone that they're afraid of (for whatever reason) and they find out they have nothing to fear then they're a lot more tolerable.

If you can afford it, get a trainer who works at the gym for a few sessions. That will give you a professional opportunity to make a friend there... they won't be able to think you're talking to them because you want to hook up or something like that. Then at least one person will realize that you're a lot less different than they think and maybe even defend you to management. It'll be someone you can say hi to when you're there and talk to or get physical help from if things escalate.

[–]isthistheinternet 0 points1 point ago

How do people know you're gay by how you work out?

[–]CountStacula 0 points1 point ago

Next time the guy is benching, walk up and put a little extra pressure on the bar while having a little talk with him.

[–]mdbx 0 points1 point ago

I don't understand how people can tell you're homosexual by the way you workout. Are you overly flamboyant or something?

[–]ace0fskulls 0 points1 point ago

In the gyms I've been to, there have been three different environments but in general they tend to be rather homophobic or very masculine, it is why I made a home gym with some improvisation because I don't feel comfortable being in that environment knowing full well that some people will hate me simply because of my sexual orientation alone.

[–]Gemini6Ice 0 points1 point ago

If other gym members are actively trying to make you uncomfortable, regardless of the reason (sexism, homophobia, scrawny-hating, bulky-hating, etc.), you have every right to speak to the management about this.

If you're afraid of them getting more aggressive after being told to stop (as is the case with douchebags often), I suggest making some "scary-muscle" friends at the gym who might speak up for you. "Dudes? Not cool. Cut it out, a'ight?"

[–]acidvolt 0 points1 point ago

  1. Fuck them (ok bad word choice considering the situation) *ignore
  2. Let that serve as motivation (get bigger than them)
  3. GET BIG
  4. Be more intimidating than them.

[–]aszl3j 0 points1 point ago

Do what I did. Say "Fuck You!" to the whole overpriced, overhyped, and scammy "fitness" industry and build a gym at home. I live in a small 1-bedroom apartment, and I just did it.

Bought an "olympic" barbell with weights for ~$200 + Squat Rack/Stand for $160 + some PVC mats to put underneath. Yeah, it takes up a bunch of space in my living room, but it will pay for itself in no time, and there is no excuses not to go to a gym now :D

I'm still missing a bench, but I figured I can do the Overhead Press in the meantime. I'm also going to have to be quiet, so no dropping weights or anything like that.

I was inspired to do this after seeing some Asian dude squatting in his even tinier apartment. I figured, if he can do it, so can I :).

My gym was fairly cheap, but with a matching clientele. Also, they did not have bumper plates, and gave me dirty looks/laughed when I was trying to deadlift or do barbell lows. They only know benching and scammy machines there. I realize that maybe I should have overcome my own insecurities and just put up with it, but I'd rather squat while barefoot and wearing trunks :D.

[–]HonorableJudgeItoRunning (Competitive) 0 points1 point ago

Ignoring them will only continue the situation. Two options (culled from another bully in a gym thread): 1) Confront them or 2) Talk to management.

I propose 1. Go up to one of them when his buddies aren't around and introduce yourself. Be friendly, but assertive and play it off like you just wanted to say hello. Make him see you as a regular guy.

2 may cause issues outside the gym, especially if they are friends with managment or are kicked out of the gym.

[–]peeted 0 points1 point ago

Just out of interest, are you actually gay or is this just something they have assumed because you are not a huge hairy testosterone fueled dick?

[–]JeebusWept 0 points1 point ago

Youre in a small working class town dude, it's banter. Bite back, give as good as you get.

[–]MetalCricketMode 1 point2 points ago

to me this is odd because weight lifting is very male body centered and pretty god damn homo-erotic. i lift weights dont get me wrong, but come on.

[–]Lastcaress09 0 points1 point ago

When I was living in Toronto for awhile my neighbor was gay, he also happened to be a gym manager. He helped show me proper lifting techniques (was 16 at the time) and was one of the main reasons I can lift what I can today. This guy was built like an OX and was inspiration to continue to lift. I then moved to Thunder-bay which is also a small town, being a "City slicker" it took me awhile to get used to the customs and values. In the up there High school I met a kid who was openly gay and was ridiculed every day because of it. I stood up for him and eventually ended up helping him also start working out. I told him one of the ways to get back at the "bro's" is to fight fire with fire. The bullying stopped when he put on some size and could push more weight then them. Sorry for ranting but some shit really pisses me off and Homophobia is one of them. I guess at the end of it all you just gotta be an asshole back to them, Probably not the best idea but in my experience it is the only thing that works.

[–]Got_Engineers 0 points1 point ago

Where exactly do you live? I will be working in Northern AB here soon and would be more then glad to tell people to fuck off.

[–]nobody7 0 points1 point ago

Just do leangains fasted BCAA training. The Adrenaline will make you quite short with people (acerbic) http://www.facebook.com/martinberkhan/posts/302917903077137

[–]texx77 0 points1 point ago

Just wanted to say this: The other day my socially-awkward self was in the gym just minding my own business with my headphones on, when a clearly gay male said something to me, just making small talk. I gave him a "bad poker face" smile and replied with something insignificant like "haha its all good" and then continued on. I realized later that I might have seen homophobic.

So if that was you, sorry, I'm not homophobic, just socially-awkward.

[–]iammortalcombat 0 points1 point ago

Well the deal is this: Those guys making themselves loud enough for you to hear are actively performing sexual harassment. If you are afraid of confronting them directly I would start by asking to speak with the gym manager, explaining the situation and seeing if anything is done for you. If the gym refuses to help I would leave the gym (because clearly they do not support all of their customer's not because you shouldn't go), and find another gym. Chances are, these guys are either purely ignorant or closet gay themselves. According to my brother in-law (openly gay), most homophobes are gay themselves or "want to test drive dick, but don't know how to ask you." I thought this would be funny for you to mention, but I think that would do more harm than good.

I hope you find a solution to this problem! No one deserves to be bullied for being themself.

[–]dongleberries 0 points1 point ago

Be fueled.

Motherfuckers will have no choice but to give respect once you start lifting heavier weights than those pussies.

The real weight lifters don't have that kind of attitude.

But you never know how shit can go real bad when people flip the fuck out for no apparent reason. So I say plug in your headphones and do your thing but always be mindful about your surrounding. It only takes one crack on the skull with a 70 lb dumbbell to get into coma.

I have personally experienced a few times when rude ass motherfuckers did some shit to me and it angered me but i said fuck it and kept doing my thing. I accept that there are assholes in this world and if i spend my time and energy being angry, it's only my loss so all I can do is to transform and become the best I can be. As long as I am happy with myself and what I do, I could give two shit about what anyone thinks about me.